I have never been in a successful relationship. If you are looking for advice on finding the perfect partner, this is not for you.
My second marriage was a failure right from the start. Although we were both unhappy, we stuck it out for twenty-four years. I shouldn’t say all of it was unhappy. We did manage to have some good times.
It was a messy divorce after which I vowed to stay single for the rest of my life. For the first few years it was easy. I was busy raising my family and working. Not much time to notice I was alone.
Then it hit me. I am not sure why. I began to feel alone. I wasn’t sure what to do with this feeling.
I ended up making a profile on dating sites. What an experience that was!! I did not like the men I was attracting so I changed my profile. When that didn’t work I changed it again. I even tried different dating sites. Before giving up I did go meet up with a couple of them.
There were two things most of these men had in common. The funny thing is they were completely opposite.
The first, players. They had no intention of getting involved. They would message and text throughout the day with their sweet nothings. I am not sure if they were board or lonely. It would never amount to anything. They just liked to string you along.
Then there were the ones ready to settle for anything. They would say things like “I just want someone to be there when I get home”. They absolutely hated being alone. That should be enough to make anyone run for cover.
I knew then that I would never get into a relationship because of loneliness. It is not only the worst-case scenario for yourself, it will lead your partner to feel unhappy and lonely as well.
At this point I had to get real with myself. I know you attract what you are, not what you want. If I was attracting lonely and unhappy men, then I must be lonely and unhappy myself. The only solution was to work this out myself.
I made two lists. The first list was the qualities I disliked in men. The second was the qualities I admired. I threw away the list of qualities I didn’t like. I certainly didn’t need that. I was to focus all my energy on what I did want. To attract the man that had the qualities I enjoy, I had to be the person he would be attracted to.At this point I had to get real with myself. I know you attract what you are, not what you want. If I was attracting lonely and unhappy men, then I must be lonely and unhappy myself. The only solution was to work this out myself.
Here is where a lot of people get sidelined. It is not about pretending to be something you’re not. Trust me that only will work for the short term. It is about becoming the person you want to be. I looked over the list of qualities I wanted in a partner. I wanted a strong, confident, and loving partner. A partner that could give me the space I needed but came through at the right times. He would be patient and loving. He must read and want to learn new things. Not in a nerdy way, he would also like socializing.
As I continued to strive to become the person I would be attracted to, the funniest thing happened. I began to like myself. I became more confident. I will go and do the things I want to do. I don’t feel lonely anymore. I continue to mix my reading and learning with socializing.
I hear you asking now if I found the one. The answer is no. Although I have not found the one, the candidates are far more desirable. Being happy and fulfilled I seldom think about it anymore. I do not need someone else to feel complete. I am not saying it will never happen. I am saying that whether it happens or not, I will live a happily ever after.
The Help You Need.
Allow me to lead you to discover the person you desire. I will help you get on track while helping you build your confidence, and self-esteem. Say goodbye to loneliness and live a happy and fulfilled life.
There are two possible options for our work together. You will find them under the Services tab, or you can click here for convenience.
I trust this Valentines day will be a little less lonely.
Modify My Mind LLC